5 Places in Philadelphia To Cry For Valentine’s Day

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1. A Philadelphia 76ers Game

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One of the most attractive experiences Philadelphia has to offer is its unique sports complex, featuring stadiums for all of the major sports teams. Trek down Broad Street to the Wells Fargo Center to gently weep at a Philadelphia 76ers game! As the team boasts an 8-45 record, you won’t be weeping alone. If you manage to distract yourself from the sorrows of your own life, you could always let your mind wander to the fact that 2014 third overall draft pick Joel Embiid has not played in a single game for the team to date.

2. Ride The Ducks Philadelphia

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Quack Quack! Shed those tears this weekend on an amphibious tour vehicle as you visit city landmarks both from land and water. Amazing! Let those tears, the bitter fruits of your sadness, fall straight into the Delaware River from the side of your tour boat. Or better yet, you could gently cry in your seat as the vehicle slogs its way to the Betsy Ross House.

3. Children’s Hospital Of Philadelphia

People cry at the hospital because sad things happen that negatively affect the health of children, which is bad.

4. Xfinity Live!

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Sports! If you’re into the sport of crying, and you don’t want to draw attention to yourself, consider bringing your sad self down to the Xfinity Live Center for some sports and crying. Within the vomit-filled mosh pit that forms on a daily basis, there will be far too much going on for anybody to notice your profound distress. If somebody notices the moisture on your face – fresh from tears fallen from your dark, depressed eyes – you can just tell them that it is actually Bud Light.

5. In The Arms Of The Frank Rizzo Statue

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Do you miss the warm embrace of another human? Perhaps you can find the next best thing at Philadelphia’s Municipal Services Building, where the large statue of former Philadelphia Mayor Frank Rizzo still stands today. Perhaps the steadiness of his outstretched, cold metal arm could provide some certainty in your frail, terrifyingly uncertain life on this Valentine’s Day Weekend!