REVIEW: 5 Reasons Why Terror Behind The Walls Just Isn’t That Scary

By: Fritz Algard

Are you a horror guru looking for the next thrill this Halloween?  Well if so, it won’t be at Terror Behind The Walls.  If you visit the Eastern State Penitentiary’s website, the first question under their FAQ section asks “Is it scary?” to which they answer:

“You bet it’s scary.  We do our absolute best to terrify you and your friends.  Just imagine being inside an 11-acre abandoned prison at night.  This is the nation’s premier haunted attraction, head and shoulders above the hayrides and haunted houses out there.  Our goal is to make you scared.  Really scared.  And yes, it’s possible that someone (or something?) might be lurking inside one of those empty, dark cells you keep walking past…”

Sounds pretty scary, right?  Wrong.  We experienced the “horror” firsthand and it isn’t exactly what we were expecting.  See below!

  1. Free Balloons at the Entrance

Free Balloons1

Nothing takes you out of the Halloween spirit than a cheery balloon being handed to you upon entering.

2. The Giant Dora the Explorer Mascot

Dora the Explorer1

I don’t know if they were low on budget this year, but this probably on sale at Walmart Dora the Explorer seemed to take away from the spooky atmosphere.

3. Van Morrison playing on the speakers as you walk through


I think this one is self-explanatory.

4. The Dippin’ Dots checkpoint placed halfway through the attraction.


5. Mandatory Blood Donation at the End

blood drive1

They must’ve really needed the Red Cross as sponsors.

Horror? More like horrible.