Pope Francis’ Cross Country Journey Comes To Tragic End After Vandalism In Philadelphia

By: Glen Jessie

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Pope Francis, the cheery pope who had made his way across multiple continents and intended to make his way across the entire United States, met his tragic end on the streets of Philadelphia after he was vandalized beyond repair.

A “Team Pope Francis” statement released Thursday stated that his journey “came to an end in Philadelphia after three days visiting sites in New York and Washington, D.C.. Unfortunately, sometimes bad things happen to good Popes.”

Pope Francis, who was made out of odds and ends and known for his signature robe and hat, was entirely dependent on the help of the people around him. He traveled by himself and could not move on his own but required friendly humans to take him from place to place.

“We know that many of Pope Francis’ fans will be disappointed, but we want them to be assured that the journey is not over”, an engineer behind the project said.

“We have no interest in pressing charges or finding the people who vandalized Pope Francis; we wish to remember the good times, and we encourage Pope Francis’ friends to do the same.”

“Catholicism was both an artwork and a social robotics experiment,” creators Frauke Zeller and David Harris Smith told The Pigeon. “Usually we are concerned with whether we can trust Popes, e.g. as helpers in our homes. But this project takes it the other way and asks: can Popes trust human beings?”