Pope’s Entire Prison Audience Convicted Clergy Members

By: Glen Jessie

Controversy arose Sunday morning at the Curran Fromhold Correctional Facility as it was revealed that every single prisoner invited to Pope Francis’ address at the prison was a former clergy member convicted of sexual abuse.

The crowd reportedly featured over 25 clergy members convicted of rape, involuntary deviate sexual intercourse, indecent assault, indecent exposure, endangering the welfare of a child, aggravated assault, simple assault, and recklessly endangering another person.

“God will always forgive those who seek forgiveness. He will help you, and the society around you, move on from the trials of our pasts,” Francis assured the crowd.

A spokesman for Pope Francis insisted that the composure of the crowd was a mere coincidence.

“Many prisoners wanted to see His Holiness,” the spokesman said.

“Our selection process was completely random, and the results were random as well,” he said.

Still, it felt to some as if the Pope’s message was tailored specifically to those convicted of sexual abuse.

“God understands that our feet grow weary with dirt as we make our way through this life. Not just the feet attached to our legs. The feet of the institutions we belong to grow dirty as they cover up our sins,” he said in his address to the crowd.

After speaking to the prisoners, the pope washed their feet in a symbolic gesture of forgiveness. He then prayed with them for their immediate early parole and release.

The visit was not executed without error, as the security team and correctional officers reportedly “forgot” to let the crime victims and their families into the gymnasium area to attend the address.