5 Reasons Not to be Concerned with Eagles Week 1 Loss in Atlanta
By: Glen Jessie
1. We Will All Be Dying Soon
Our planet has been estimated to be between 4 and 5 billion years old. Wow! In the placid pool of time, we have been placed on this earth with about 80 years to make our way through this planet. Someday soon, those days will come to an end. On that fateful day that looms ahead of each of us, the Philadelphia Eagles Week 1 loss to the Atlanta Falcons will be of no moment, even in relation to our vastly insignificant existences on this earth. All of your memories and feelings will vanish into nonexistence.
2. After That, Everybody Who Ever Knew Us Will Also Die
Picture your own funeral. If you’ve been blessed with a fortunate life, there will be family. Children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, cousins, brothers, and sisters. Friends who knew and loved you dearly. A warm and grieving crowd will say goodbye to your physical remains and tell stories of the times you made them laugh. Then someday in the not so distant future, they will all die too. Someday, everybody who ever knew you will be just as gone as you are. Then, it would be a certainty that anybody who was ever alive during this Week 1 loss to the Falcons of Atlanta will have perished.
3. Random Celestial Events Could Extinct Human Race
At any point along the way of this mystifying journey we call life, mass extinctions could result from random celestial events, killing everything we know. An asteroid as much as five miles wide could potentially cause the extinction of all human life. The Kuiper Belt that lies just beyond Neptune contains over 100,000 ice balls more than 50 miles in diameter. The Kuiper Belt steadily sends comets in the direction of earth. If just one big ice ball headed towards earth, almost every form of life on this planet would be eliminated. A fifty-mile ice ball striking earth would almost certainly eliminate any evidence that football was ever a game, and that in the league known as the N.F.L., a team called the Philadelphia Eagles had ever lost to a team called the Atlanta Falcons.
4. The Earth’s Surface Temperature Will Likely Extinct All Life In 4 Billion Years
The solar luminosity is expected to increase steadily over the next one billion years. The resulting greenhouse effect could melt the glaciers and evaporate the oceans. This could destroy the earth’s atmosphere, leading to a runaway greenhouse effect four billion years from now. If somebody kept and preserved a box score from the Philadelphia Eagles and Atlanta Falcons game on September 14, 2015, it would inevitably be completely destroyed.
When the Sun reaches the age of 12 billion, it is likely to enter its red giant phase, during which it will expand and increase in luminosity. Before too long, the sun in its red giant phase will slowly reduce the orbit of the Earth and eventually engulf the entire planet. Within a hundred or so years, the Earth will be nothing, and the only evidence of its existence will be a slight increase in solar luminosity. That’s our legacy as a planet. Essentially nothing. At this point, the Georgia Dome, and anybody who had ever entered it, would be long gone. If you told somebody that “the Eagles disappointed in week one behind an underwhelming pass run, a secondary that is not much-improved, and a rusty offense that is yet to completely click”, they wouldn’t even know what language you were speaking. Then one day, everything would be gone.